The Real Story I Have To Tell -1

[devavu2009]

Greetings. I am here with a blown mind, having finally succumbed to a great need to tell my story. It's not the kind of story you sit down and tell your Dad, or even your best friend. It is a story I tried to suppress for the past 4 years, but couldn't. The cuckold part of the relationship with my wife, Annie, began 10 years ago. It ended 4 years ago. Or so I thought. I guess once one is truly a cuckold, well, you can't go back to being a full member of the 'Man' club. It's like virginity; once it's gone, you really can't get it back. That is certainly what I've been trying. To get it back.

I can't tell you everything that happened over the past 10 years. I can't even come close. I will someday, because I have to get it out of me. I've held it inside for so long, and now. I will give you some background.

When our kids graduated from high school and (for the most part) moved out of the house, Annie and I started a period of great experimentation. (I won't lie - this all took a lot of begging on my part, and even then, I was amazed she went along). She was looking better than she had in years. She'd been going to the gym, was toned and beautiful. She still is. She's highly intelligent, imaginative, and has a certain social quiet that masks her utter, gymnatic physicality and sexual prowess.

I really didn't know she was all that sexual when this began a decade ago. Now I know I couldn't have known, because I am not capable of knowing that part of her. In all honesty, I'd been neglectful. I spent too much time at work, and when home, too much time on the PC. When the kids left, we started getting to know each other again. To fall in love again. To open up. Really open up.

We tried swinging, Annie didn't like the fact that I might have sex with another woman. She did have sex the few times we tried it, both times with nice looking guys. It was a turn on watching, but she didn't like the scene at all. She hated not me, but all the other voyeurs. She did not like the randomness, the impersonal nature of it.

So we started experimenting at home. I do have a very submissive side (hello!) - and have always been fascinated by chastity. She was completely mystified by that little fetish, but she went along with it. I bought the first of several chastity devices, (a CB 2000), and discovered that wearing it for extended periods of time made me not only constantly horny, but very submissive. I swear wearing the thing ginned up my perversion meter way beyond anything I previously considered normal. But I started performing a lot of oral sex on Annie, and she loved it. She loved it way, way more than having intercourse with me. I became very good at it. When she would let me out of the CB and let me have sex with her, I didn't last long. And worse yet, she said, I acted differently. And I didn't want to lock the thing back on. She hated the way I acted when I wasn't locked.

So when I finally would agree to put it back on, she would let me out less and less often. And liked me more and more. As I got hornier and hornier, I started looking at personals sites, and researched cuckolding. I was already fascinated with the subject. I read all the stories - some of them degrading, sexy, downright scary. And I wanted to try it. All of it. But how could I tell her?

If it happened it happened, I thought. We talked about just introducing another person into our lovelife - a threesome. She agreed, as long as it was a guy, and as long as he was well hung. By that she meant bigger than me. She saw no point in going through with it, even then, if he wasn't. And it turns out, it wasn't hard to find guys who were bigger than me. I am average, not ashamed, but not big by any stretch of the imagination. We spent a while meeting guys in hotel rooms, two of whom we saw regularly, and it quickly evolved into her and the guy having sex, and me watching. For some reason couldn't perform with another guy there. I started wearing the CB to these meetings, but I always kept my shorts on.

Annie was fine with that. But it was a lot of work, involved some travel, and neither of us liked the risk of meeting new people all the time. There are so many diseases, and people aren't always what they say they are. You have to be careful. So Annie took a lover close to home for several months. But she stopped that when she found out he was seeing other women. Again, she would rather stop the whole thing completely rather than risk an STD, (she hated and still hates condoms, which scared me).

So, we spent a few months alone, and I played in my chastity belt, she had me 'giving her head', and she said in the meantime, I could look for another guy for her, but she wasn't interested in one night stands or anyone who fucks around a lot. At which point, you might wonder why I didn't say, "Hey, I'm available!?"

Seriously, at this point, she really did want a lover. Actually, she wanted a boyfriend. He had to live within a few hours, but not in town. He had to be single or divorced (almost everyone we met was married and cheating - we would find out "later").
And he had to be well hung. Usually, it was me who did the searching. But this time, my wife did the searching on her own. She found someone named Aaron.

He lived 2 hours from us. He was available. He told her he was a "Bull." That worried me, because several other people I corresponded with who self identified as "Bulls" really turned me off. Big time. But this guy seemed different. She hooked up on chat, and he sent a picture. A nude one. His face was not visible, but a muscular, almost wiry body was attached to an impossibly large cock. They exchanged phone numbers, and they talked that night. He called me the next night. He was very polite, intelligent. He was so different from any of the other 6 or so guys we had met. With me, he really pushed some buttons, as if he knew what I WAS, as if he knew I was not just some guy who liked to "swing" - he knew I was submissive. He talked to Annie several more times over the next two weeks, and me too.

I don't know everything he said to Annie, but she liked him, and she seemed to have some greater insight into me after talking with him and spending all that time on the computer. Two weeks later, we met him.

[devavu2009]

What happened over the next five years is too much for me to write right now. I may have some extra time on weekends to recall all the details, based on how things are going.

Right now, I will give you the short of it. Annie thought this man was a God - a sexual God. And frankly, he was, and I'm not sure if she realizes she was a sexual Goddess. Two more sexually compatible people never existed on this earth. They were like Olympic Athletes, with a special kink. I was so - humbled and astounded at it, I was just happy that he made her so happy. I recieved some of the harshest, most depraved, most exciting treatment that sometimes humiliated, sometimes exhilarated and often surprised. For five years, I was cuckolded. Hard. Very, very hard. For the first three, I was really more of a slave than anything else.

But the bottom line is they fell in love, and I do mean very much in love. They started taking entire vacations together, without me. They would just inform me. Annie took off her wedding ring and wore Aaron's for two years. They started involving me less and less. There were many reasons for that, which I will explain later, but the main reason was they were in love.

My wife did not have intercourse with me once during their entire 5 year affair. It was partly because I was locked in chastity much of the time. That will certainly do it. It was mainly because - and she told me this - she would not "cheat on Aaron." As the time wore on, he removed her more and more from me, and she went to him haltingly at first, then willingly.

When I finally rebelled - when I finally did what a normal man would do, things began to unravel. It was a very sad, horrible time. She ended up dumping both of us; then we reconciled. Then she saw him again. It wouldn't end. When she finally told him she was going to stay with me, all hell broke loose. Bad things happened. He went crazy. It was a very scary time. I wanted to wipe him off the face of the earth. But after a few more violent aftershocks, it was finally over.

That was four years ago. It's been difficult for us. We rarely have sex. We still love each other, but it is plain she just doesn't have sexual feelings for me like she used to. I can't blame her. The few times I've made love to her, it did nothing. I spend over half the time back in the spare room. Back where I had to sleep when she was Aaron's.

Still, we are the best of friends. She is so beautiful, it hurts when I think I almost threw away my marriage because of my strange needs and desires. Sometimes I want to puke. And sometimes, I really miss it. When that happens, I think maybe I need to check into a mental hospital, because I must have a serious problem. Regardless, it has been a more or less sexless marriage for a long time now - just a little bit, here and there. In some ways I understand it - there is no competing with Aaron, not in any way. She is right. Sexually, the guy was God. But until recently, I really wondered if I could survive with so little intimacy at least.

So I was surprised last month when Annie called me into the room and asked me to give her "head." She hadn't talked like that for years, and she hasn't initiated sex with me for over 3 years. She did it again the following day, and the day after. Then she produced my old CB 2000. "I used to like the way you acted when you wore this. Put it on for me again."

I was, in fact thrilled. It brought back those feelings full force. I don't think anyone could be the kind of cuckold I was for 6 years and just suddenly become......a Man again. The past month has been more intimate, more action packed than any in a long time. I've been locked in my little toy for a month now, (it's a joke compared to the chastity methods she and Aaron imposed back in the day). But it feels familiar. I am feeling submissive, horny, good.

And wondering, what brought this on? Why am I feeling back to the future on this?

And so I asked her.It turns out, an old friend was waiting by her car after work last month. It was Aaron.

That's all I can say tonight. I have more to get out. Thanks for your honest feedback.

[hotwifeapril]

All I can say is WOW, I could never love anyone more than my husband. We have been in the swinging/cuckold lifestyle for 15 plus years. We have been married 21 years. I have had a boyfriend on the side back in Phoenix. When we moved I left him behind. We still talk online now and then,but even when I saw him I never had feelings that strong.Glad you have your wife back...Well I hope you do. Can't wait to read more of your story very interesting...You are a very strong man to hold on through thick and thin.

[MacNfries]

This story sounds so familiar to me. Have you written this down once before, devavu2009? Mac

[devavu2009]

Mac: I did post this story - not exactly, but it was this story - maybe a little over a year ago. At the time, it brought out some feelings in me that I didn't want to deal with. I deleted it. There was another issue related to the handle I used here. Perhaps I was being paranoid, but there was a potential privacy issue that I did not want to tempt. I feel differently now about telling the story, because I am in a different state of mind, obviously. And I do need to get it out.

[duke9555]

let us all hear this Dev
unload your angst on us we're all
sympathetic to one degree or another

[devavu2009]

The fact that Annie and I had been so active lately after such a long dry spell was thrilling for me. Even if she refused to have intercourse with me, I loved eating her pussy and making her cum. Being locked in the CB was frustrating, but exciting, like the old days. It always made me feel submissive toward her, and ironically, made me want to service her pussy all the more. But all this made me suspicious, too. In the back of my mind, I wondered if she was having an affair. No, I thought, she would tell me. She's not one for secrets. So what brought this on?

In the back of my mind, I thought of Aaron - if only because Annie's sudden renewed interest in chastity and oral sex, like the early days when we first met Aaron. But I figured there was no way in hell he would have the nerve to come back into the picture, and that Annie would never let him back in her life anyway. Not after the hurtful things he did when she chose to end it with him.

Still, as shocked as I was when she told me told me he'd shown up to see her, I wasn't surprised. As hard as the bitter ending was, we had several of the most exciting, mindblowing years of our lives during this relationship. As much as I never wanted to think about this guy again, I frequently couldn't help it, wishing it all didn't end so badly, and that I could be cuckold to Annie and Aaron again. When these thoughts popped into my head, I always became aroused - and then ashamed. Deeply ashamed. If I thought about it this much, I wondered what was going through Annie's head. Until last month, we'd avoided talk of any sex of any kind for almost 4 years. I felt intensely guilty for not providing what this beautiful woman deserved - a satisfying sex life,especially given the fact that she was so damned GOOD at it. I had lost my way as a man.

Anyway, I asked Annie when, exactly this visit from Aaron occurred. She said maybe 5 weeks ago, on a Friday.

Friday evenings are Annie's evenings. She is only home about one Friday evening per month. Usually, it's her night out. She goes out for dinner and drinks sometimes with work friends, or she comes home and goes back out to book clubs, wine tastings, art events. It's turned into kind of a "girls night." It was a Friday evening last month when she came home late, and called me into her room to give her oral sex for the first time in ages. I remember how surprised and delighted I was, how fresh and familiar she tasted. How hard she came. She actually sat on my face and rode it for 30 minutes. She told me I'd done a 'great job'. (She used to say that a lot when I cleaned her pussy after one of her marathon sessions with Aaron. They would lay there kissing, and I would be between her legs, in full, submissive, cuckold heaven, licking her clean, remaining there until she grew tired of me. "Great job," she would say).

Back to the matter at hand.

"That was the night you saw Aaron, wasn't it," I said.

"Yes," she replied.

"You had sex with him." I stated.

"I thought you knew it that night," she replied. "I mean I must have tasted very familiar."

To say there conflicting, confusing emotions going through my head is putting it mildly. My face flushed. Shame and anger dueled each other in my head, and my heart.

I didn't need to ask her why Aaron suddenly re-emerged. I already knew the answer to that. I had a different question:

"What do you want?"

"I'm not sure," she said.

"Who do you want?"

"Both of you."

[devavu2009]

That last post brings me close to being up to date. I'm not sure how interesting our arguments/debates would be to you all. Making sense of this requires a lot of words, and I'm not here to bore or to entertain. Just to document as much of this experience as I can without writing a full length novel. I could! I am a writer. I could use an editor, I am sure.

I will post more about what happened in the past because it gives meaning and context to what is happening now. I do tend to bounce from past to present and back again in my writing. Just telling you that as an FYI.

I want to say this: I am not angry at my wife for what she did last month. I am also not happy about it. I thought we were starting something new - even if it did look mighty familiar, I was very happy.

We're going out to dinner in a few minutes, and she said we'd talk about this later tonight. I am anxious about it, but I know better than to push her to make a decision. I know she won't do me wrong, she has already told me that. The only time she's gotten angry with me over this is when I told her what she's considering is a "dangerous game."

"I don't play games," she hissed. "Unlike you, everything I do is real, not some story."

Or something like that. Anyway, gotta go eat.

[devavu2009]

Back in 2000, we'd been meeting with Aaron regularly for about 3 or 4 months, and Anna was spectacularly happy about it. He too was obviously enamored. He called her daily, sent gifts, and went way out of his was to make extra time to be with her. One weekend he came to our house on a Friday night. We had a nice time, and had fun all day and night Saturday. Before he left on Sunday, he said he needed to talk to us.

For the first time ever, his air of confidence was not evident. He looked positively sheepish. I remember the conversation very well.

"I have something to tell you both. I'm embarrassed to say it. I'm married. I know you were looking for a single guy. And I thought when we met it was just going to be a one shot deal. I didn't count on liking you so much. You are both really nice people. I didn't want to tell you because I was afraid that would be the end of it. And if you don't want to see me anymore, I will understand. It will really hurt, but I will understand."

Annie and I looked at each other, kind of a head scratching moment. Finally, Annie spoke up.

"What does your wife think you're doing when you're gone every weekend?"

"She knows what I'm doing. I don't keep anything from her," he responded.

I remember thinking, "bullshit."

"Why don't you involve her in this?" Annie asked.

Aaron proceeded to tell us this outlandish story that his wife had suffered from depression, grown morbidly obese, refused to do anything about it, and had developed severe diabetes. They hadn't had sex in years, he said, and as a result, he started looking outside his marriage for sex. His wife, he said, was aware of this. He concentrated on married people because of he perceived less risk from STDs. He had told his wife about us - about Annie, and - according to him - she was ok with the whole arrangement.

Both Annie and I smelled bullshit, but at least he was coming clean about being married. I figured the whole affair was over with right then and there. Annie would never go for this. As if to challenge his veracity, Annie said:

"So your wife knows you are here with us right now?"

"Yes."

"She's not jealous? She knows you spend 2 sometimes 3 nights in a row with me, and she says, 'good for you, Aaron, have fun'?"

"She actually packed me snacks for the ride over here on Friday," he responded.

"So when you get home, do you tell her what we do? Does she ask for all the details?" Annie asked.

"No, she doesn't ask, and I don't tell. I did tell her that I was falling in love with you."

"Oh, Christ!" Annie said. "That is evil! I can't believe you said that to her."

"She is fine with that," he responded. "We are very honest with each other. I take care of her. She needs someone to take care of her because of her conditions. She takes care of me, in her own way, to the best of her ability. She knows about my sex drive, she knows better than anyone else. She doesn't want sex anymore, and frankly, I couldn't give it to her if she wanted. It hurts to look at her. It is very sad, what she's become. I tried and tried, but I could not change her. She understands this - all of it."

He sounded so sincere, but I didn't buy it. Niether did my wife. Annie challenged him:

"Well, you know I won't do this with a married man. But if what you say is true, let me meet your wife. If she tells me face to face that she wants me to be your girlfriend - that she really does condone this, that I am not ruining your marriage, then we can continue. Otherwise, I just can't do this anymore."

Basically, Annie was calling his bluff. After he left, she said, "Oh well. Easy come, easy go. He was the best one yet."

I honestly thought we'd never see him again. So did she.

But sometime during the next week, Aaron asked Annie to come to his home and meet his wife. She did just that the following weekend. It turns out, everything he said was true. They spoke with each other with and without Aaron's presence. By the time Annie left, she was convinced that everything he had told us was true, and she understood that his wife really did want him to have a sexual relationship with one (1) woman, since sex was simply not going to happen between her and her husband. They'd been together since they were teens, had several children together, and now she'd grown sick, huge and sick, unable to have and ininterested in having sex of any kind. She actually thanked Annie for taking care of Aaron. Annie found herself really liking this woman, and feeling truly sorry for her.

And so, our relationship with Aaron continued, until it ended 4 years ago.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The reason for this flashback is what Annie told me after we came home from dinner last Saturday night. Aaron showed up last month to tell Annie that his wife had passed away. She died 2 months ago due to complications from diabetes.

It was certainly a mind blower to hear this. She also told me that Aaron would be visiting us this coming weekend, and that she wants the three of us to "talk." She said she has come to a big conclusion and she would talk about it then. She wouldn't say anything else to me. She's been tight lipped ever since. She has been speaking with him on the phone evey day for the past 5 days - just like old times. I am assuming she's been talking to him privately at least since he visited her last month.

I have a very queasy feeling. I will know more this weekend.

[radicalguy]

Wow, this situation is intense! Please keep us updated. Thanks for posting.